Month: July 2007

In between Before and After

BEFORE…
Est 4:1 When Mordecai perceived all that was done, Mordecai rent his clothes, and put on sackcloth with ashes, and went out into the midst of the city, and cried with a loud and a bitter cry;

IN BETWEEN…
Est 4:16 Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish.

AFTER…
Est 10:3 For Mordecai the Jew was next unto king Ahasuerus, and great among the Jews, and accepted of the multitude of his brethren, seeking the wealth of his people, and speaking peace to all his seed.

PRAYER:
Abba, give me staying power. Give my mom staying power. Anoint our eyes with your eyesalve that we may always see only the joy set before us. Amen.

****Not completely out of my time out, but i needed this therapy.

Because Pea Asked…

Pea tagged me. So here goes.

• We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
• Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
• People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
• At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
• Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

8 random things about me

1. The second time I saw Diary of a Mad Black Woman, I cried. The first time, there were two girls in the room. And it was Uni.
2. Sometimes I like to psycho-analyze myself.
3. Every time I see a pretty woman, I smile secretly, and do the whole Hollywood romance in my head – rescue the damsel and win her heart.
4. I don’t remember the last time I played any sport
5. I have been in love with the idea of being in love since I was seven.
6. I wanted a first kiss like that in the movie “My Girl”. I got one that would fit the movie “American Pie”.
7. I picked up a habit of making prank phone calls. I need to quit because it’s taken a nonconstructive path.
8. I still bite my nails. I will stop as soon as a fine, sexy and spiritual woman falls in love with me – promise.

Do i know 8 pple to tag? lets see: KM, Kafo, Ore, Jaycee, Jem, Overwhelmed, Ashe.Selah, Justme. ( sorry too lazy to link)

Time Out

Am taking a Time Out. I think i need one. My creative juices are not flowing as usual, and I feel my writing isn’t purpose driven like it should be. I think there’s too much traffic in my life right now. So am going to pull over for a short while. I will be reading, but I won’t be writing.

iSpiderman

I had an interesting morning today. Worked really late, up till like 3am. so when i went home to take a bath, i decided to take a short nap. By the time i was awake, everybody in my compound had gone out and i was locked in.

there was only way out. since i didn’t have my spiderman costume, i had to make do with my waistcoat.

i wonder what my neighbours thought seeing a man in a waistcoat climbing over a gate.

How Much Love?…and Answering Pea

It’s 11.24am this Sunday Morning. Our present church auditorium is not large enough, so we have three services: 6.30am, 8.30am and 10.30am. I like attending the 6.30am service because it’s less crowded, and i guess i can zone in more on God then. Since i work in church, and practically live there, it’s quite easy for me to make this early service. Even during rainy season.

This morning, as soon as first service ended the heavens opened up. As i came out of church, I saw the next set of people trying to get in. I quickly ran into the office. After second service, the rains had not yet stopped. I popped out for a few minutes, and there again the largest set of people were there waiting to move into church. In the rain. Not a drizzle, but heavy downpour.

And i wondered to myself, would I have made the effort to come to church in the rain if i didn’t live in church?

I honestly don’t know. Something to think about.

Pea commented on my last post, saying she was uncomfortable with a phrase God spoke to me: “I have more to lose if you fail than you have to lose”.

I understand how this statement can be misunderstoood. God was talking to me on the context of some questions i had been asking recently. Let me try and explain. One of my greatest fears which I am trying to overcome is the fear of failure. I believe winning is everything, and that second place sucks. This fear drives me to perfection in what i involve myself in. Sometimes, it also keeps me back from what i should be involved in. I believe God was addressing this when he spoke to me.

When I began working in the ministry, there were bells and whistles. Two years down the road, I am wondering if i heard God right. Why? because my contemporaries are doing better than me – seemingly. Because my dear unemployed, widow mother is left alone 12hours bus drive away, and I haven’t been of any financial assistance to her. or even myself. Because my family is wondering why i spent 4 years in school to be a computer programmer and passed up good job opportunities to come work in church. Because I haven’t yet seen all the promises God said to me when he nudged me in the direction of ministry. So i am afraid. that i may have failed my mother, my family, my friends – all those who believe in me. I am afraid that I may have failed myself.

But I have it in blue ink on white paper where God spoke to me that weekend in the hotel room after my final exams when i asked him for what to do with the rest of my life. I have it in blue ink on white paper under so many dates in the little book where i pen down God’s personal words to me. I have it in clear, precise terms:I have a gift that the kingdom of God needs to save my family and to save the world.

(wide grin, i couldn’t resist borrowing that Heroes tagline: save the cheerleader, save the world. I am so hooked on this DVD and can’t wait for season 2 to come out.lol)

So if i think I may have failed those who believe in me after 4 years in university. God thinks after 26 years of investing in me the prerequiste to fulfill my call, if i turn back now, then the kingdom of God would have lost the world. I believe God was trying to tell me that he had more cause to protect his investment in me than i had cause to protect my investment in me. And obviously, he can do it better than i can.

TD Jakes says it this way: failure is to not fulfill God’s will for your life.

yes, i know, God can always raise up substitutes. But i am a firm believer in the thought that God needs me as much as i need him. So when he relates with me, he does so like there is no plan B.

God is counting on me. I hope I am brave enough.