I will be the first to admit that i am not a confrontational person. I would rather circle around an obtrusive person or circumstance…unless i am backed up against the wall. then i will lash out with a force and temerity that surprises even me.
sometime in june, i made my first dreaded visit to the dentist. they said i had an impacted wisdom tooth that needs to be surgically extracted. I fled. and since the pain subsided, i decided the dentist didn’t know any better.
the pain is back with a bang. and today i made my second visit to the dentist. a different dentist. the same diagnosis. so am scheduled for surgical extraction of tooth one next week wednessday, and the second tooth, the upper week.
just the thought of it alone makes my stomach queasy. but not being able to open my mouth wide, and chew food comfortably, and the throbbing pain that discomfits and distracts me is downright annoying. besides like the pretty dentist said, not doing anything about it now, is like cuddling a time-bomb. so am steeling myself. they said they wont sedate me. i hope i don’t kick someone or break some stuff. am trying not to think of the movie “Awake” where they pulled out someone’s heart while he was still awake in spite of the sedative.
In matters of the heart, i need to put my emotional act together. i am coming to realize that the gift of love is rare and so many have settled for something less. i am wondering if i should switch and not love deeply so that i do not get hurt. or just not love at all. or simply play along with the trend of loving superficially.
any which way, i know i need to learn the gift of good bye. i need to quit being emotional. i need to be able to walk away too.
i am reading the five love languages and i am beginning to realize that love doesn’t always have to end up in marriage. we need to have enough common sense to enjoy another person without sabotaging our lives.
i am presently too confused about love. i am on the verge of being jaded. my heart wants to love, but my mind is wincing. i have lost one relationship, complicated another, and i find myself trying to bind my bleeding heart.
in 2 days i will be 28. and i am relearning everything i used to know. i can no longer hide in my sand-castles.
I have come a long way through blogging. I started blogging because i like to write. Writing for me is therapeutic. And i know that someday my stories will be someone’s balm. I write as is. I don’t try to sugar-coat anything. I write about my victories. I write about my failings.
I have written about the Days of My Life. I have written about an Ordinary Me, Interrupted.
Now I write about the Fight of My Life.
Ayomipo EDINGER: hey tell me wat u think abt my new blog template
Iyabo Okpeke: give me ur link so I can go directly from here
Ayomipo EDINGER: http://disgodkidd.blogspot.com/
Iyabo Okpeke: U mean serious business with that template…
Ayomipo EDINGER: lol….really? i saw a brusied fighter
Ayomipo EDINGER: but now u have opened my eyes to see a determind fighter
Ayomipo EDINGER: thanks
Iyabo Okpeke: A bruised fighter who will not give up eaasily
Ayomipo EDINGER: hmmm, that is so encouraging, thank you
Iyabo Okpeke: U r welcome
Ayomipo EDINGER: i just did it and u r the frst to comment
Ayomipo EDINGER: thanks a bunch
Because i am at rock bottom.
But i still want to say like Tyler Perry said “I don’t care how low you go, there’s an opposite of low, and as low as I went I wanted to go that much higher,”
I know men are not supposed to cry, but this is my cry for help.
I know Christians are supposed to have faith. but all i have now is weak hands and feeble knees.
So who will believe in me?
“Me”, said God.
A few minutes after posting this, i was browsing the Tyler Perry site and came across this message. Maybe God is talking? It doesn’t make it any easier, but…
I said all of that to ask you this. What awful things are you resisting and regretting? Have you searched for a lesson in them? What difficult thing are you going through right now? And are you surrendering or are you fighting? The biggest lesson Ive learned is that sometimes battles are won by surrender, worship and being grateful. To all my folks struggling and fighting, make sure youre fighting to keep what God wants in your life. Dont let material things stress you out. If youve got to give up the house or the car or the job, then it’s okay! Dont kill yourself trying to hold on to what may need to be let go. I have been there. When I was scrambling I had to make choices between gas and lunch. I was hiding from the calls of the bill collectors on the telephone. To this day I dont like to hear the phone ring at my house. I’m serious! All of my ringers are off. Fax me…LOL! Listen to me. I lost that apartment that I showed you but gained a home. I lost my job but gained a business. I lost my car but got a better one. Surrender. Simplify your life because when you trust God life gets better.
YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT! SURRENDER! Let God take you where He wants you to go. So, if you would take the advice of someone whos been through a lot, pray and say, “LORD, I surrender all!” Jesus didnt have a place to live but he always had a place to pray.
She said: You’re a good man Ayomipo.
I said: Isn’t that what every woman prays for?
She said: But you are not man enough for me. You need to be more independent and make more money, and put me in my place. I love you truly; i enjoy you a great deal, but i cannot date you yet. You don’t make me feel secure enough. And I’m taller than you.