I will be the first to admit that i am not a confrontational person. I would rather circle around an obtrusive person or circumstance…unless i am backed up against the wall. then i will lash out with a force and temerity that surprises even me.
sometime in june, i made my first dreaded visit to the dentist. they said i had an impacted wisdom tooth that needs to be surgically extracted. I fled. and since the pain subsided, i decided the dentist didn’t know any better.
my foolishness.
the pain is back with a bang. and today i made my second visit to the dentist. a different dentist. the same diagnosis. so am scheduled for surgical extraction of tooth one next week wednessday, and the second tooth, the upper week.
just the thought of it alone makes my stomach queasy. but not being able to open my mouth wide, and chew food comfortably, and the throbbing pain that discomfits and distracts me is downright annoying. besides like the pretty dentist said, not doing anything about it now, is like cuddling a time-bomb. so am steeling myself. they said they wont sedate me. i hope i don’t kick someone or break some stuff. am trying not to think of the movie “Awake” where they pulled out someone’s heart while he was still awake in spite of the sedative.
In matters of the heart, i need to put my emotional act together. i am coming to realize that the gift of love is rare and so many have settled for something less. i am wondering if i should switch and not love deeply so that i do not get hurt. or just not love at all. or simply play along with the trend of loving superficially.
any which way, i know i need to learn the gift of good bye. i need to quit being emotional. i need to be able to walk away too.
i am reading the five love languages and i am beginning to realize that love doesn’t always have to end up in marriage. we need to have enough common sense to enjoy another person without sabotaging our lives.
i am presently too confused about love. i am on the verge of being jaded. my heart wants to love, but my mind is wincing. i have lost one relationship, complicated another, and i find myself trying to bind my bleeding heart.
in 2 days i will be 28. and i am relearning everything i used to know. i can no longer hide in my sand-castles.