Psalm 42: 6 When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you… (MSG)
This is my story and I am telling it as it is, because I believe that God can use both my pleasure and my pain to save a soul. I listened to a message by Keith Moore recently, and it helped me identify where I am in my walk with God.
I have come to a place where my faith is offended. It is not a pleasant place, and for the very first time in my life I have a conscious knowledge of the soul-chasm Peter felt when he denied Jesus. It is a place where your spirit is weak, and weary and mal-nourished. It is a place where appetite for the Word is absent, and because of the lack of a spiritual diet, the soul hungers and begins to search for nourishment on the slippery steps of sin. I have indulged my flesh in habits that I had once begun to conquer; I have traded my longing for His presence for lusting after promiscuity. I have sold my assurance of salvation for doubt of God’s grace. I have become a captive, disarmed and distracted soldier.
Yet there is hope. In spite of my lost spiritual state, there is a sense of displacement; a faint bell ringing somewhere in my sub-conscious, alerting me of the danger of my position. I find myself aware of the huge train looming down on me, and yet unable to move my limbs out of harm’s way. I want out of this sinking sand, yet I am rooted to the spot. And all I find myself able to do is whisper “Help me Holy Spirit!” These four words have been the sum total of my prayer life for a couple months, the only thing my emaciated spirit can manage.
I do not know when I came to this point, but I know how I came here. It all started with bitterness. I became bitter at the Word, not deliberately, and this is where the danger lies. First, I was mad at my church, then at fellow Christians, then at the world, and finally at God. That madness soon became bitterness at everything and everyone. And like a pack of dominoes tumbling over each other, my bitterness opened me up for depression, discouragement, despair, and eventually doubt. I became a Christian just going through the motions. Worse, I was a church staff doing the work of the God I was mad at. I was trapped, and consequently ineffective as a soldier.
For some of us, that is enough for the devil. He may never be able to get us to curse God, but if he can get us to become ineffective, then he is one up on us. And no matter what prophecies may have been spoken in our lives, if we remain in these potholes, we won’t be making much progress.
So which way out, we wonder. I find an answer in scripture; an answer that encourages me, and enlightens me. Psalm 42: 6. I realize that my pothole moment is not unique to me; even David had a pothole moment, and as soldiers of faith we will, one time or another, come to these pothole moments and find our faith crippled and paralyzed and “in the dumps”.
David offers us a solution:Psalm 42: 6 When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you… (MSG)
I am going to try this. I am going to remember my meteoric moments of faith. I am going to rehearse everything I have known of God; our moments of romance, of intimacy, of learning, of practice. I will remember my first love. I will remember from where I have fallen. I will pray even if it is just a blabber; I will open my bible even if I just stare at the pages. I will sing a song even if I don’t get past the first line. I will go to church even if I doze off in the middle. I will listen to a 60mins message even if am tuned in for only 2mins. I will rehearse everything I know until blood begins to flow again in my faith limbs.