Making Things Right

so are you proud of you? my trusted girlfriend asked
i don’t know. are you proud of me? i answered.
i am very proud of you, she said.

so i had to face the consequences of my action. i went to see her of the previous post, and i apologised and told her i wasn’t really ready for a girlfriend and that we should just stay friends. thankfully, she took it well. i hope. i understand that women can be pretty complex, but i choose to go with the good picture.

so there, i guess i now realise that having a relationship is more than just the magic that hollywood makes it to be. it is more than the butterflies and the physics and the chemistry. it is more than the feel of a womans body pressed against yours. it involves the fusion of two spirit personalities, and compatibility is dependent on more than just physical attraction.

a lesson learnt. now i just pray i can remember that the next time i see the right curves in the right places.

PS: thank you to everyone who didn’t beat me over the head with the Word, rather “made me clean through the Word”. I spoke with Abba. I know the Father still loves me.

On a scary note, i read Paulas post on something called mononuleuosis a short while after the kiss. Is it my wild imagination, or is this soreness in my throat and somewhat feverish feeling i am experiencing? Panic attack mode. Breathe, Ayo, breathe. You have been born again of the living word which cannot be destroyed(infected)… But it is a nasty coincidence that i should read something like this just after. Nice timing pea…lol(nervously).

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What Did I Do Last Night!

it is the best of times and the worst of times. on an adventurous note, in the past three nights i have had my first real flirting experience that culminated in an approximately 2 minutes kiss. i will be the first to admit that my moves were all rusty around the edges and uncouth, but a brother has never done this before, you know.

but then i did a probably foolish thing, and now i am in panic attack mode. i asked, will you be my girlfriend? and she answered, yes.

this is where my whole life rushed before my face. up until then she knew i had just been flirting. i had talked about nothing in particular, with fully no intention of commitment. and she was fully aware of it. but now doesn’t this change everything? i mean, if she had said “am not sure” or “lemme think about it”, there was still hope, but she said yes.

i feel like kicking myself. Ayo, what were you thinking? or rather, not thinking? i only wanted to walk the edge of the cliff, not take the plunge. i tried as much as possible not to make any specific declarations because i didn’t want to lie. and now this…

if only that was the worst part. on the spiritual side, what does my Father think? did i do something wrong or is it a case of youthful exuberence, childish misdemeanor? i spoke with two people after, my trusted girlfriends. one said, “i told you not to start what you couldnt finish, ayo. but, you just kissed her right? i guess it’s okay. your only problem now is getting out of this unwanted relationship.” the other said, “don’t you know you shouldn’t start what you can’t finish, ayo? what were you thinking? i thought your steps were supposed to be ordered? what happened to your jesus and holy spirit and angels? you were very wrong ayo. what you did was wrong. you shouldn’t start anything unless you are ready to go to the altar. you shouldn’t even have kissed her. you need to apologise to her and you need to talk to God and repent”.

and this morning when i opened my daily devotional, the title screamed at me: Present Your bodies as a living sacrifise. coincidence, or is God saying something? i also brushed my mouth as soon as i got home, but my lips still feel like they are from another planet. is that supposed to happen after kissing, or is that evidence of illegal kissing?

and another thing, does it say anything about my self profile that i picked on a girl who works in a small restaurant with just an average educational background and class? was my “success” based on the fact that she saw me has better potential? would it have been that easy if she was of equal education and class? is this even a right or wrong thing to think and ask?

i didn’t mean to hurt anyone, i was only trying to live my lack of adventure, get some adrenaline-rush, and pick up some wooing experience. Christian Bloggers, what is my verdict?

Big God in Small Things

in my walk with god i have come to notice that god most times shows himself in the little things. as humans, we have put up a mentality for ourselves where we are that puny little thing and god is that big giant somebody up there and so far away from reach, i think if that was meant to be then jesus would not have showed up. when i look into my bible i see a god who indeed is bigger that the limits of our calculations, and yet loving enough to want to have an intimate relationship with the ones he created.

see, god is all that and then some; he is big enough to fill the whole universe, and big enough to be filled by the whole universe, and yet simultaneously he is little enough to fit into the clay moulded body of the human spirit. he proved it with teenage mary; and he still proves it today living on the inside of me.

i have learnt to see god in the small things of life. many times, when i do not enjoy the path he had placed me on, when the ride gets rough and i just want out, it is in little things that he uses to rekindle the spark. like when i was wondering how long it would take for his promises to be fulfilled. then just as i stepped out of my office complex to take a walk, i noticed a huge banner across the road advertising some event in words that were too precise: JUST IN TIME. or when i was wondering how god was going to get me into a certain position in my office when a restructuring was being done that put me in the exact opposite position. and on my way to walk again, i noticed a cab that had unexplainably gone over a side walk in a manner that screamed IMPOSSIBLE, and yet i was looking at it. Need i point out the obvious? Anything is Possible.

They Do It For Us

we just recently concluded our 4th National Youth Conference, and Pastor Chris, in his usual characteristic anointed way rekindled a fire in the youths that packed out the Main Bowl of the National Stadium Lagos. so much was said in the meeting, and it struck me in the course of Pastor’s ministering that these Youth Conferences were a different kind of meeting. Pastor Chris was not preaching, or teaching. He was inspiring a movement, a revolution, an evolution. He was delivering a message that would not so much as bless the human spirit as it would change the human world. It struck me that God does work in these ways. As much as God is concerened about the state of the human spirit, he is equally concerned about the socitey of man. He created the first society, and the original design was for man to call the shots and keep the ball rolling. Somewhere down the line we forgot that. We forgot the reason we were put here on earth. And it seemed to me that God was ready to make things right again.

Pastor Chris was reawakening a spirit of dominion in the youth of our nation. Not surprisingly, since scripture informs us that the young men shall see visions. We are the ones with the ability to define history. But we need to discover our potential. and as someone rightly said, evil prevail when good men do nothing. little wonder scripture says the world is waiting for the manifestation of the sons of god, not only spiritually but politically, socially, economically. when jesus was on earth, he fulfilled all these roles. he affected governments policies, fed hungry homes, changed cultural etiquettes. he left us a wide trail to follow.

As i sat amongst the thousands of other youths that had come from the ends of the country to listen to one man, i reflected on what this one man had informed us. A day when he promised himself and God to pack out the National Stadium for the cause of Christ. In his own words, the years had come and gone. The promise has been kept.

I looked all around me. everywhere was full. rows of heads filled my vision, sprawled all over the field and the stands of the stadium. There was no empty seat. I thought of the size of the National Stadium. And a thought flashed across my mind: they did it for us. whoever planned and built the National Stadium probably thought they were building a sports facility. little did they know God was simply using them to provide a large enough auditorim that his kids would use at the right time. i thought of how impossible it would have been to host such a throng of youths in one church building. so God got some heathens to invest their money, time and talent, and then he simply made it available to his kids.

for me this is true inspiration for joy in my spirit. i am assured that my Father in heaven is able to make adequate provisons for the demands of my life. he is able to use whoever and whatever to ensure that my purpose is fulfilled. it matters not that i may not yet be in possession of whatever, but when the need appears there would be provision already. scripture puts it this way: …to the sinner he giveth travail, to gather and to heap up, that he may give to him that is good before God…eccl.2v26.

enough said already.