“Son,the reason you do not have a girlfriend is because I have not given you one. And I have not given you one yet because you have the gift of love. Understand that it is a precious gift. And I do not cast my pearls before swine. I do not want you to throw away that gift. But I want you to sow it, for it is in sowing that you will reap. And yet it matters where you sow your gift of love, for some ground will yield you no harvest; while some will yield you thirty-fold, sixty-fold and a hundred-fold. The latter is what I want for you. For the gift of love that you possess is such that will not be satiated except with a hundred-fold harvest. Not many have this. You are one of the few; that is why you have such un-fulfillment in your love affairs because you can only be satiated with an equivalent gift of love. I am preparing her for you. She will deserve your gift, and she will reward your gift. She will also complete your gift. She is not common. And that is the reason you do not bump into her. But know that she is there. And you will find her when she is ready. Until then, trust me and do not lose your gift.” said God. (December 30, 2005 – excerpt from my book of prophecies)
My best friend (BF) and I have been together for some four years and some. I first met her in university fellowship, where she was assigned to teach me Foundation School – a short introduction to the basics of the gospel as believed by Christ Embassy. Back then, I was this know-it-all kind of person, and the thought that ran through my mind was, “so what do you want to tell me that I do not know?” Then she started speaking to me about the gospel, and by the time we were done, I reluctantly agreed that she was worth listening to after all. That was the beginning. Eventually, we became very close and intimate, that friends actually thought we were dating. But we were just very good friends. Then we became best friends.
The thing is she is the last person I would choose for my best friend. She wasn’t “diva-ish” enough. Actually, she had a lot more “bush-ness” to her that I had to do a lot of work to get rid of. She dressed like a nun. And was, in my opinion, too spiritually straight. But in the past four years, I have come to realize that it was no coincidence that we met and bonded. It was a divine arrangement, because she has been much more than all the other pretty, cool and diva-ish girls I looked for a sister-figure in. She has been the sister I always wanted. I am literally a part of her world – her fiancé and entire family have accepted us as inseparable. Even her mother finally accepted the fact that we sleep in the same bed, not because we are having sex, but because we are that intimate. I definitely got more than I expected with BF. And I am glad God did not ask my opinion.
Something tells me that God is pulling a déjà vu on me. And I have this nagging feeling that God is laughing at me, amused. Why? Because I am scared. I am scared because what I have always wanted has finally come to me. And it has caught me off-guard. I think, unconsciously, I had settled into the idea that I could not get a girlfriend. But now, it’s official. I am no longer single. And it’s scary because it was so easy. I didn’t have to work hard. It seems like she just showed up in my life.
You know, it’s funny, but God sure has a way about what he does. And he seems to take delight in interrupting my ordinary life. When I started this blog, I decided to call it “Days of Our Lives” because it was going to be the chronicles of my walk with the Holy Spirit. Then just a few days ago, I realized that in the last 10 or 11 years of my life, God has literally interrupted the direction I thought my life was heading. And he seems to be doing it again in my love life.
My best friend is in town, and I told her about N and my suspicions that she really liked me. I didn’t think there was anything more to it, because she was friendly with a lot of people – she’s the kind of person that is very outgoing, and get you talking even if you didn’t want to. So I was not quite sure if the intimacy that was springing up between us was more than just friendly attention. I introduced N to my BF after Wednesday service, and the next day, N calls me up and asks me for BF’s shoe-size. Later in the day, I get a parcel that contains a pair of brand new shoes for BF. Needless to say, BF likes her already, and is confident she likes me for more than friendship. So we fixed a double date to the movies after Sunday service.
Later on that night as I walked N home, I asked her about the direction of our relationship. I wanted to know exactly what we were doing. Unfortunately, I am no longer a teenager, and I don’t have the time or liberty to play Romeo and Juliet. Besides I do not think my emotions can deal with it. So I needed to know, if this was for real. And she said yes, she would like a relationship.
I just got off the phone after 97mins of talk with N, and somewhere inside our conversation, I told her I had something special for her; then I put her on speaker, flipped open my laptop and hit the play button on Babyface’s “Every time I close my eyes”. That song pretty much says it all.
It feels nice to have someone who likes you- just because. You see, most of my life, I have worked extra hard to get the girls I like to like me back. Most of them just liked me enough to be my friend, but friendship alone was not what I wanted. I wanted a relationship, and I pulled out all the tricks I had learned from Hollywood and romance fiction. It only seemed to drive them further away. So for the first time, well, second time really (another days story), it is good to have someone trying to win my affection and attention.
Now this is where it gets funny, and this is where I think God is laughing at me. I was expecting a wham-bam attraction, you know, the love at first sight instant attraction kind of thing. I was expecting a head-turner that made your palms sweaty and made you swallow spit. I was expecting time to stand still when I saw the object of my affection. I did not get all of that. What I got was a simple ordinary nice-looking girl who had a personality that seems to compliment mine, and who seems to be attracted to me without me having to put up a show, or make any extra effort. It seems almost too easy. I am not even in love with her. I just like her a good deal. After working so hard for 27 years to win a woman’s heart, it’s kind of strange that it should come this easy. It’s totally unexpected that I don’t have to pull out all the stops to get N to like me. She just does, and she’s not afraid to let me know.
That’s the scary part. Because none of this was in my plan. And once again, it appears that God has interrupted my ordinary dreams. Trust me, if the options were left to me, I am not sure I would have picked N. Yes, she is good-looking and attractive, but I think I had formed the image of a diva in my mind for way too long. I had come up with a cover-girl image and conditions and criteria for the woman I wanted to fall in love with. But I am slowly learning from experience that God many times delivers diamonds in dust-covered boxes. Like BF.
So, déjà vu?