#ConversationsWithGod: foundation of faith

#AndGodSaid:

I am giving you a foundation for your faith in your new season. Today is an important part of the process for your future. Your future will need to stand on the full persuasion that I have called you into it. This is happening twice so that you will know, without second guessing yourself, that I have decreed your future and I will establish it. Wait on me. Wait well. Wait in confidence, not despair. You are stronger than you believe. I am your strength. In a little while, you will know that I am your God. Wait in my love. Perfect love, a love that is confident, does not fear.

#ConversationsWithGod: know me

#AndGodSaid:

do you remember why you have fallen out with 2 of your fave girlfriends? because you let them down. and you felt bad that they could not understand that you had a valid reason for letting them down. you wondered why they allowed one wrong moment to overshadow all the other right moments where you had proved to them your loyalty? you wondered why they could not make excuses for you this one time you seemingly failed them? why could they not trust your heart when they did not see your hand, right?

i put to you the same question, ayomipo. why do you not trust my heart now that you do not see my hand? why do you allow this one seemingly wrong moment overshadow what you know to be true of me? i am intentional. i am strategic. i am not taken by surprise. i am able to work all things together for your good. i allow only what i can use to help you. it is not in my character to fail. it is not in my character to promise you what i will not bring to you. know me, ayomipo. know my love for you. know my heart for you. know my plans for you. know that i am willing and able to help you. know that i am your god.

#ConversationsWithGod: timing

I said:

You disappointed me god. i was shocked and surprised you let this happen. even though i was afraid, i did all i could to strengthen my faith, to not waver. and i resisted the devil’s convincing arguments. but you failed me. and it seems like the devil is more proactive to harm me than you are to help me. what kind of a god allows his child’s faith to be shattered the way mine has been? i want to not trust you, but i cannot deny that i am so sure that this is your plan for me. i didn’t want this. i didn’t even dream of this. you gave me this desire to will and to do this. and just when i began to enjoy it you let the rug be pulled out from under me. what kind of a god are you?

#AndGodSaid:

Time is a construct i created for the earth. But i am not bound by time. i operate outside the definition of time. yet i have made your world to be run by the principle of timing. i am the kind of god that exists outside of time. when you think that time is limited, i will show you that eternity is limitless. my plans for you are from eternity. they begin outside the realm of your timezones. but they are fulfilled within your timezones. you are crushed because your timelines were not achieved. but nothing takes me by surprise. nothing happens that i am not aware of. i am sorry you feel that i have failed you. but your perspective is limited by your time zones. you can only see what you can see. I see all. i see the beginning. i see the ending. and i see the middle in between. there is no lost time with me. there is only preparation. there is purpose. there is positioning. i ask you to lean on me. lay your head on my chest. feel the beat of my heart for you. i ache when you ache. i grieve when you grieve. i feel every pain you feel. but i am who i have revealed to you. i am your god. i am your future. i am the details of your life. i am the miracle you expect. i am working out all things for your good. i am who i say i am. i will do what i have told you i will do. time will not limit all i have prepared for you.

Be still and know; wait and see

right now, it feels like god failed me, god betrayed me and god lied to me.

the scriptures say that hope deferred makes the heart sick. i feel sick, because i jumped, but god did not catch me. and now, my faith and trust is shattered.

i am trying to pick up the broken pieces of my trust. i am trying to understand what kind of god would allow my faith to crash. was it him? or was it me? did i hear him wrong all along? did he have some unrevealed purpose in this unanswered prayer? was this unexpected failure a set up for him to show himself strong on my behalf? did he lead me on? did i lead myself on? did the devil just win and god lose?

i have his words written down in my notes, so i begin to swipe through the screen of my tablet. looking for clues. did i miss something? this is what he promised, except that my current situation is exactly the opposite of what he promised. what went wrong?

i know from experience that god comes through. personal experience and biblical narrative. all my life, i have had to be delivered at the last minute. so maybe this is just another occasion for a last minute deliverance? but last minute deliverance suck.

i can’t even connect with god right now. listening to the songs that have been on repeat for the past few days is insulting. hearing the sermons that have been on repeat for the past few days is like adding salt to injury. i hate the sound of god’s voice right now. i don’t want to hear his words right now because they feel like empty promises.

but i know better. my broken heart is depressed but my heart knows from experience that god comes through eventually. there must be something in the words he spoke to me that hinted at this. over the years i have learned that behind every revealed word of god, there is a lot of unrevealed innuendos.

so when god told me that in 2019 i should be still and know that he is god, perhaps what he really meant was that i would be stuck between a fearful army and a raging ocean. perhaps what he really meant was that i would be expecting to hear the keys to my cell unlock my freedom but the cup-bearer would forget me. perhaps what he really meant was that i would be on death row, chained to 4 professional soldiers, in preparation for public execution in a few hours.

be still and know that i am god. those were the words that god whispered to me and i penned down in my tablet. 3 months later during the cross over service at church, pastor sola pronounced the prophecy for 2019: wait and see.

be still and know. wait and see.

looking over my notes from pastor sola’s message that december 31 night, i begin to notice some clues:

“it is not in gods character to lead you out without leading you in” ,

“wait and see the salvation of the lord”

maybe this incident is not really a surprise to god. maybe he pre-informed me. maybe, as usual, he is setting me up for a more sure word of prophecy. maybe this incident will be my reference point to resist the arguments of the enemy in the future.

maybe he is still god. maybe he is still in control. well, only one way to find out.

i will be still and know. i will wait and see.