Faith is messy.
I cannot deny the evidence of God’s goodness in my life, but I am pissed at God for his complicity in the evil in my life.
I know I need his help, but I am too bitter to talk to him
My faith is on auto-pilot, and when I catch myself singing a worship song, or speaking a word of prophecy, I stop mid-sentence, because it doesn’t feel sincere
My favorite worship songs are too painful to listen to
The words of prophesy and prayers that want to bubble up out of me feel like futile efforts
I am in a cold war with God, and yet I know that only God can save me
I hate that I need God, because if he was really my God, then I wouldn’t have to need him
I know that God has been good to me, and I also know that God has allowed evil for me
I want to curse at God, but I also want to hang onto him for rescue
I know that perspective changes everything, but right now hurts too much to care
Faith is Made of This 