the gospel of jesus christ according to ayomipo
Presently, i need closure on a lot of things in my life. But i am in a state where silence is my loudest cry.
The message by Bishop TD Jakes, Conflicted Anointing, aptly pictures my present moment. The king in me versus the kid in me. The life i have versus the life i have been given. The glory ahead versus the grit now.
Last night, after way too long, i worshiped. I didn’t hit a home run, but i think i got to first base.
I miss God. I miss passion. I miss first love.
Eureka!
How to lose a woman you deeply love who’s just not that into you…ILLEGALLY catch her “cheating” and LET HER KNOW YOU KNOW by helping her get away with it.
ROFLMAO! Now that was good. Whew! Free at last!
something is on my mind…help me find answers…
if one no longer has passion for the things one is doing, should one continue to do them out of a sense of duty?
e.g friendship, relationship, marriage, fellowship with God, fellowship in a particular church, fellowship with general Christians, fellowship with particular Christians, a particular career, a particular job, sex with a spouse, taking care of a good mother, taking care of a bad mother, blogging…
when is it OK to walk away when passion drys up? if its OK at all…
I am listening to Whitney Houston’s new track “I didn’t know my own strength”.
This line has give me something to meditate on: I was not built to break.
I am proud of Whitney. She used to be my god-mother. Still is. I once wrote her a four-page letter when i was much younger. A letter i never sent. Lol.
I used to pray for her. I am glad my prayers were answered. I pray that the glory of her latter house be greater than the former.
Whitney was not built to break. The Christian is nt built to break. I am not built to break. Enough said.
I have almost forgotten the beauty of blogging. Life interrupted me. But thanks to my best blog buddy, Pea, who keeps reminding me i still have a story to tell.
Besides the rush hour that my life has become since my latest promotion, maybe another reason i don’t blog as often, is the fact that the current rhythm of my life has not exactly been a song-and-dance. More like a Capella.
It feels like I am presently at a place where i am walking beside still waters. And yes, i do feel like it is He leading me beside the still waters. Yet there is a silence that is lonesome. And that unnerves me a little.
I guess I can only live one day at a time, one post at a time.
1. Recently i have been wanting more. More than what i feel/think/believe God has given me. Is that good or bad?
2. i miss doing real time with paula, my first blog friend.
3. i love miss attractive. but like Tyler Perry said, maybe i have fallen in love with someone who was only supposed to teach me something.
4. i want my hunger and thirst for righteousness like i had it back in my university days.
5. i want to go sky-diving.
6. i want to get married.
7. i want to make love.
8. i want more of everything.
Yay. Talk about motivation for me to blog. 🙂
Erm… 6am ramble: You have written many original lines. They are just not on your blog yet. You are so about to burst forth and comfort someone with the comfort that God has comforted you with. Smell the roses. Then please tell everyone about them, and where to find them. Your write is not lost. You have not even begun.
I am getting random pictures in my head. (Am I asleep? *pinch* lol)
Once upon a time, a little boy noticed that his mother and siblings were thirsty. He was thirsty too, but was not thinking about it.
When he was wondering how he was going to get water for his family, he remembered his friend, an old man who dwelt by the river. The old man and the boy were friends. The boy knew that if he carried a cup and went to the old man, he would get water to give his family.
So off he went.
The old man already knew he was coming. He sat the boy down and told him that he must drink some water and eat some food before he takes some to his family. The scorching heat had tired him, and the distance was too long for his thin legs (sorry, the boy in my head really does have thin legs, lol). He sat and ate, and the whole time worried about his family. The old man told him not to worry. “Your mother and siblings will not die. The hope of your return will keep them alive.”
When the little boy was full, the old man gave him plenty of food and a large container of water to take to his family. “Make sure you bring them back here,” he said firmly to the boy.
Or something, lol. I will probably delete this when I discover how little sense it makes.
I am sitting where eyes can see me. I am sitting with two beautiful gorgeous women on either side of me. The kind of women the other guys want to go out with me. We are talking and laughing animatedly. I can sense the wrath directed at me. These are the women that all the men would like to go out with. And they think i am going out with one of these women.
Unfortunately.
The animated conversation that i am having with these women is about the guys they like and the guys that are tripping for them.
So am there, the envy of all the other guys, when in reality, am just the friend that these women feel so comfortable with that they can discuss their love interests.
Oblivious of the fact that am crazy about one of them.
The dilemma of a nice guy…
I will love you, Woman.
But if you do not recognize it –
I will let you go;
I deserve to smile too.
I am slowing getting my bounce back spiritually. I found great connection, comfort and answers in this book, The Gates of Zion, by Pastor Chris Oyakhilome. You can get a copy from our online store
I recommend it to anyone who hits a spiritual rock bottom.
Testimony: Yesterday, I put to work the verse that says be anxious for nothing…make your request known to God…Today, the answer showed up.
New Life Lesson: God’s silence isn’t necessarily is absence. Sometimes His silence is deliberate to serves His purpose. God was silent on Jesus from age 12 to age 30. God was silent on Jacob when Joseph was “dead”.
My dear dear friend asked me why i blog? I think i blog because am a writer. I don’t talk much but i have a lot of passion inside of me, so blogging is a way to express myself. Plus i know that i have a story to tell that someone can learn from. So i blog for myself. and i blog for someone.
I havent been blogging frequently because i am fighting the fight of my life. And truth be said, there is a lot of pain. I am in terrible spiritual low, and theres no point in writing words that are devoid of grace. Even if i could write, which i really can’t because like the say, he who is really pained has no words.
Anyway, i seem to be slowly rising from my rock bottom spiritual experience. I discovered one of my pastors books, The Gates of Zion, which pretty much epitomized my current spiritual state. You might want to buy a copy from our online store. http://www.christembassyonlinestore.org
Anyways, i miss blogging. I have been reading but i hope to start writing again pretty soon.
Shalom.
I cannot say exactly what i want to say.
Because of certain people who have become aware of this blog.
I no longer feel butterflies.
Jude 24.
UPDATE:
It’s not just about Love.
I no longer feel butterflies.
Because.
I can no longer marry our Message with our Methods.
Unless.
The enemy has gotten to me.
Dear Mama,
You have sacrificed so much for me. And now when you should reap your harvest, you still sacrifice even more.
My guilt is bearable because you are still supportive. You know i love you. But you taught me to love God first and best.
I am doing this for us mom. And i pray like Joseph i will nourish you in my promised land.
God bless you. Thank you Mrs Lucy Edinger. I love you more than i can show.
Happy Mothers Day.
It’s day 3 after my dental surgery. There has been no pain, but it seems to be getting slight inconvenient. a sore seems to have developed in my inner upper lip, the the cheek of the surgical site seems to be sore too. i cant eat well, and my limited diet complicates matters. my antibiotics seem to be making me weak and leaving me dehydrated. Custard, eba and soup, and pap are the foods i have been struggling to eat. I tired moi moi once. i am so hungry and want to eat but the effort of eating turns me off after a few spoons. yet i must eat good so my body can revitalize.
i am really not in any pain, just discomfort and inconvenience. and there seems to be a lot of spit forming in my mouth. i keep praying i don’t have to sneeze. i have to go back next wednessday to take off the stitch. Until then am surfing for any info on how i can hasten my recovery.
i want to eatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
This is one reason for me to keep throwing punches. Courtesy the Tyler Perry Mailing List.
Hi there,
I’ve been reading the message board and you’ve made it perfectly clear that you wanted me to share with you, so here’s a long one…(smile). Now you know we need to keep our jobs so if this is too long, then read it when you get time and send it to some friends. Okay, here goes.
Every time I have a movie come out I do a press conference, and with MADEA GOES TO JAIL it was no different. I’m always asked a lot of questions.They’re usually the same questions, but this time I was asked something a little different. I was asked how did I get to be homeless. I told the story but this part got left out of the article. When I talk about God people don’t like to print that for some reason. Anyway, I ended up homeless following what I believe to be the voice of God. I know that may sound crazy, but hear me out. Here’s what happened.
I wrote my first play at 22. After I wrote it I prayed and asked God to bless it and lead me in the right direction. No sooner than I said that, I was in Atlanta visiting for Freaknick…(LOL). On this visit I realized that there was a small theater called the 14th Street Playhouse that I could afford to rent and perform my play in. So feeling led, I moved to Atlanta, got a job and went to work on saving money to do my show. I just knew this would work. Anyway, there were 200 seats. I thought I would do 6 shows and 1,200 people would come and I would be set. There was one problem. I needed time off from my job to do it. I asked my boss and he
said no. I went to my desk and prayed. I said, “God, if this is for me to do then lead me.” I clearly heard the voice say, “Quit, it will be all right.” So I did. I did the play and instead of 1,200 people showing up only 30 came over the entire weekend. I said, “Okay God, where are You?” I couldn’t hear a word. Now mind you, I could always hear from God. You remember my parakeet story?
Anyway, of course I was broken-hearted, but I picked myself up and went and got another job. I got a phone call a few months later. Someone who had seen the show wanted to invest in another show. So I was faced with the same decision again. I had just gotten a job and they wouldn’t give me the time off, so I had to quit to go and do the play. Same thing. I went to my desk and prayed and heard that same voice saying quit. So I did.
Now from 1992 until 1997 this happened over and over again. I was only doing one show a year, and every time the show failed. So, I would go get another job. But there was always someone new who wanted to invest. I got another opportunity to do a show, but I knew I would have to quit my “GOOD JOB” as my mother would say. I was making $350 a week. Anyway, I went to the boss and asked for time off so I could do the play. He said no. So I went back to my desk and prayed. I said, “God, what should I do?” I clearly heard the voice say quit. So I did.
I went out and did that show. I think it was in Spartanburg, South Carolina. Anyway, I rehearsed, loaded the U-Haul truck and drove down there. There was a little rain as I was going there. When I got there I found out that a hurricane was coming through. Nobody showed up. I was devastated! As I was driving the truck home through the rain, I was going as fast as I could. I was so hurt and angry. I prayed and prayed and said, “God, You told me to do this. Where are You?” I didn’t hear a word. It’s scary when you can’t hear from God. Anyway, I got home and there was the
eviction notice. I went out looking for a job and found one, but by the time I got my first check it was too late. I came home from work to find all of my things out in front of the apartment building. I didn’t care about the stuff. Let me take that back. My stereo, that I had bought from one of those rent-to-own companies (where you pay five times more than it’s worth), was ruined. I was mad about that…(LOL). Anyway, the thing that hurt me the most was that I had so many scripts and songs and things that were ruined from the rain. I sat there getting what I could together.
I put them in my car (that was up for repossession) and drove around all night. Finally, I slept in the car. When I got my next check I started staying at this pay-by-the-week hotel. There were drug addicts, prostitutes, and any criminal element you could imagine there. During this time, I was still praying and I still hadn’t heard from God.
I called home for a family member to send me some money and I was told that I should give up this dream and that I was never going to make it. I was told to stop doing this play bull$#@t. I think that was one of my lowest days. I cried like a baby because this was someone that I truly loved.
I was working at UPS. Now I was up to about $400 a week, but I couldn’t seem to get ahead enough to get my first and last month’s rent. This kind woman (who I have been looking for for years) named VIRGINIA HARDIMAN, in Atlanta, loaned me the money. She told me to hold on and that God would see me through. I didn’t want to hear that. I felt like He was the reason I was in that situation.
Anyway, I got an apartment. The one I showed you the picture of. And was so happy to have a roof over my head. My thought was, “God, even though I can’t hear from You, thank You! Thank You for this place!” I was grateful. Before I knew it 2 years had passed by and I was getting comfortable in my place. It had become safe. I stopped dreaming. I was taking the advice of the family member. I had settled in and didn’t want to dream anymore. It hurt too much. I was 28 at the time (you have to be careful when you get comfortable in a place that’s not your home).
Anyway, life was okay, but I was so unhappy. By then I had moved on to another “good job” and I walked into that place everyday miserable. I knew there was something more for me. I had gotten so depressed. All I would do was work, come home, eat and sleep. Thank God I have never done any drugs because I know I would have been strung out. You also have to be careful when you’re not happy or you will find yourself in some situations that you never thought you could be in. And I did. I started drinking pretty heavily back then. Saturday night I would drink, but Sunday morning I was at church still trying to hear from God. I had given up. Some kind of way
the rent got behind again. When I think about it, the rent was $425 and I was only making about $1,200 a month. I had a car and gas and food to buy, so I guess it was easy to get behind.
Around this time I got a call from someone else who wanted to invest, and she said we had an opportunity to do the show at the House of Blues in Atlanta. I said no. I SAID NO! Oh God when I think about this I get a chill. They had to beg me to do the show! It hurt too much to have that dream be revived in me and not make it. I just couldn’t do it. I said no. With a lot of coaxing I finally gave in. Can you imagine if I wouldn’t have?
Anyway, the night of the play I remember sitting in the dressing room getting ready for the show. I was playing old man ‘Joe’ at the time. I sat there complaining and talking to God saying, “You always get me out here and You leave me, and I’m 28. This is it! I’m not doing this anymore!” Can you imagine me talking to God like that? That’s crazy! But I was so mad at Him then. So, I was saying what I wanted to say and in the middle of my rant I heard Him. IIIII HHEEAARRD HIIIMMM!!!!! Somebody knows what I’m talking about! He said to me, “I AM GOD. YOU DON’T TELL ME WHEN IT’S OVER. I TELL YOU WHEN IT’S OVER, AND THIS IS THE BEGINNING.” I sat there crying
like a baby. Then He said, “Get up and look out of the window.” I got up and looked out and there was a line around the corner trying to get into the place! I still get a chill when I think about it. If I had given up on dreaming… If I had not tried one more time… I wouldn’t be here in this place. I wouldn’t have seen all that I’m seeing now. For that matter you wouldn’t be reading this email.
So, sometimes following God will lead you into places that you don’t want to go. It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary. It hurts. But if you can just hold on you will see there is another side to it. What you’re going through is not in vain. Hold on! Keep the faith! And learn to be thankful for whatever situation you may be in. It’s not over until God says it’s over. And this is just your beginning. TRY AGAIN!!
There is so much more to this story, but I know you have other things to do. I’m writing all of this in my book so you’ll be able to get the full story one day. I just wanted to share a little bit with you. Please share it with someone, okay?
Be strong and stay well. AND TRY AGAIN, AND THEN AGAIN, AND THEN AGAIN!
Tyler P.
I extracted my tooth today. I am blogging. so that means i’m okay. but i am still weak cos i have eaten properly. so i will be back to write the post that was in my head while i was opening my mouth wide like my life depended on it.
I will be the first to admit that i am not a confrontational person. I would rather circle around an obtrusive person or circumstance…unless i am backed up against the wall. then i will lash out with a force and temerity that surprises even me.
sometime in june, i made my first dreaded visit to the dentist. they said i had an impacted wisdom tooth that needs to be surgically extracted. I fled. and since the pain subsided, i decided the dentist didn’t know any better.
my foolishness.
the pain is back with a bang. and today i made my second visit to the dentist. a different dentist. the same diagnosis. so am scheduled for surgical extraction of tooth one next week wednessday, and the second tooth, the upper week.
just the thought of it alone makes my stomach queasy. but not being able to open my mouth wide, and chew food comfortably, and the throbbing pain that discomfits and distracts me is downright annoying. besides like the pretty dentist said, not doing anything about it now, is like cuddling a time-bomb. so am steeling myself. they said they wont sedate me. i hope i don’t kick someone or break some stuff. am trying not to think of the movie “Awake” where they pulled out someone’s heart while he was still awake in spite of the sedative.
In matters of the heart, i need to put my emotional act together. i am coming to realize that the gift of love is rare and so many have settled for something less. i am wondering if i should switch and not love deeply so that i do not get hurt. or just not love at all. or simply play along with the trend of loving superficially.
any which way, i know i need to learn the gift of good bye. i need to quit being emotional. i need to be able to walk away too.
i am reading the five love languages and i am beginning to realize that love doesn’t always have to end up in marriage. we need to have enough common sense to enjoy another person without sabotaging our lives.
i am presently too confused about love. i am on the verge of being jaded. my heart wants to love, but my mind is wincing. i have lost one relationship, complicated another, and i find myself trying to bind my bleeding heart.
in 2 days i will be 28. and i am relearning everything i used to know. i can no longer hide in my sand-castles.
I have come a long way through blogging. I started blogging because i like to write. Writing for me is therapeutic. And i know that someday my stories will be someone’s balm. I write as is. I don’t try to sugar-coat anything. I write about my victories. I write about my failings.
I have written about the Days of My Life. I have written about an Ordinary Me, Interrupted.
Now I write about the Fight of My Life.
UPDATE
Ayomipo EDINGER: hey tell me wat u think abt my new blog template
Iyabo Okpeke: give me ur link so I can go directly from here
Ayomipo EDINGER: http://disgodkidd.blogspot.com/
Iyabo Okpeke: U mean serious business with that template…
Ayomipo EDINGER: lol….really? i saw a brusied fighter
Ayomipo EDINGER: but now u have opened my eyes to see a determind fighter
Ayomipo EDINGER: thanks
Iyabo Okpeke: A bruised fighter who will not give up eaasily
Ayomipo EDINGER: hmmm, that is so encouraging, thank you
Iyabo Okpeke: U r welcome
Ayomipo EDINGER: i just did it and u r the frst to comment
Ayomipo EDINGER: thanks a bunch
Because i am at rock bottom.
But i still want to say like Tyler Perry said “I don’t care how low you go, there’s an opposite of low, and as low as I went I wanted to go that much higher,”
I know men are not supposed to cry, but this is my cry for help.
I know Christians are supposed to have faith. but all i have now is weak hands and feeble knees.
So who will believe in me?
UPDATE:
“Me”, said God.
A few minutes after posting this, i was browsing the Tyler Perry site and came across this message. Maybe God is talking? It doesn’t make it any easier, but…
I said all of that to ask you this. What awful things are you resisting and regretting? Have you searched for a lesson in them? What difficult thing are you going through right now? And are you surrendering or are you fighting? The biggest lesson Ive learned is that sometimes battles are won by surrender, worship and being grateful. To all my folks struggling and fighting, make sure youre fighting to keep what God wants in your life. Dont let material things stress you out. If youve got to give up the house or the car or the job, then it’s okay! Dont kill yourself trying to hold on to what may need to be let go. I have been there. When I was scrambling I had to make choices between gas and lunch. I was hiding from the calls of the bill collectors on the telephone. To this day I dont like to hear the phone ring at my house. I’m serious! All of my ringers are off. Fax me…LOL! Listen to me. I lost that apartment that I showed you but gained a home. I lost my job but gained a business. I lost my car but got a better one. Surrender. Simplify your life because when you trust God life gets better.
YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT! SURRENDER! Let God take you where He wants you to go. So, if you would take the advice of someone whos been through a lot, pray and say, “LORD, I surrender all!” Jesus didnt have a place to live but he always had a place to pray.
Tyler P.
She said: You’re a good man Ayomipo.
I said: Isn’t that what every woman prays for?
She said: But you are not man enough for me. You need to be more independent and make more money, and put me in my place. I love you truly; i enjoy you a great deal, but i cannot date you yet. You don’t make me feel secure enough. And I’m taller than you.
Faith is Made of This 